• James McGee

Y'know that old one about the lunatics taking over the asylum...?

For want of nothing better to do while I await news from my editor I've been thinking. Here we are, a fortnight since the result and are we any clearer about what's in store?

Well, not a lot of laughs if the past week has been anything to go by.

The parade of bigots and assorted misfits (seemingly all white and male at the time of writing) that have graced - I use the term loosely - the lobby of Trump Tower doesn't exactly fill you with glee does it? Well, not unless you're a God-fearing redneck with a pick-up truck, a cellar full of automatic weapons and a personal invite from David Duke to spend the festive season at the Ku Klux Klan's Christmas Cookout. If that doesn't give the phrase 'a box of crackers' a whole new meaning, I don't know what does.

The news that The Trumpster was considering retired Marine General James Mattis to serve as his Secretary of Defense raised more than a few eyebrows. This is the man referred to as 'Mad Dog' Mattis, who back in 2005 attracted controversy when he said 'it's fun to shoot some people.' while addressing service members in San Diego.

Well, that's not at all worrying, is it..?

A small observation, but am I the only one who can't quite believe the decor in Trump Tower? The place looks like it was conceived by the same bod who decorated Saddam Hussein's bathroom using an illustration of Tutankhamun's knocking shop as his/her inspiration.

Actually, I lied. Despite what I said earlier, I did get a laugh when Mitt Romney put in an appearance, when, for some reason, he was summoned not to the penthouse but to Trump's New Jersey golf club. My guess is he thought he was about to be offered Secretary of State when in fact it was for the post of Assistant Green Keeper. No wonder he looked bemused, not to say a little pissed, when he came out. Probably accounts for him setting off in the wrong direction towards his limo...or maybe it was his golf buggy...who knows? Serves him right for calling Trump 'a phoney racist'. Mind you, the latter did refer to Romney as 'one of the dumbest and worst candidates in the history of Republican politics', so all's fair...as they say.

Looks like a match made in heaven, doesn't it...?

As if that wasn't riveting enough, we also had the reappearance of one Nigel Farage - the most sartorial of the Chuckle Brothers - grinning like a loon as the two of them posed for snapshots at the door of The Donald's private elevator. Honestly, just when you thought you'd seen the last of the old codger, up he pops again. It's like some x-rated version of Whack-a-Mole.

And to cap it all, The Orange One has tweeted:

'Many people would like to see Nigel Farage represent Great Britain as their Ambassador to the United States. He would do a great job!'

Define 'many people', Donald. Would that be the people David Cameron referred to as a bunch of 'fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists'?

I do note that Downing Street has responded, saying there is 'no vacancy'. It would have been more entertaining if they'd strung a banner across the entrance to Downing Street stating there was 'no effing chance', but you can't have everything.

Now, what else did I hear? Oh, yes, seems the President Elect is about to receive an invitation from our own dear Queen to pop over for tea some time in the not too distant. Boy, wouldn't we give our right arms to be flies on the wall when he and Prince Philip get together for a quiet, homely chat?

By the way, I loved the tweet that Trump sent in response to the cast of Hamilton having a go at Mike Pence, Trump's prospective VP, when he attended the theatre the other night.

'The cast and producers of Hamilton, which I hear is highly overrated, should immediately apologize to Mike Pence for their terrible behavior.'

If only they'd run courses in Irony at that university of yours, Donald. You could have enrolled.

Oh, no, hang on a minute...