Would somebody mind telling me what the hell just happened?
Woke up Friday morning to find the world had caved in.
In one fell swoop it seems we have become the world's laughing stock. And no, I ain't talking about England's woeful showing at Euro 2016.
(They keep telling us that the population of Iceland is roughly the same as Leicester's. Maybe if Hodgson had simply fielded the entire Leicester City team instead of the numpties he did play, we might have won. Oh, no hang on, then we'd be wondering if he'd have kept Vardy in the squad).
Any road, so we've voted ourselves out of Europe, the PM has resigned, Labour's in melt-down, Scotland's angling for another crack at independence, 3 million fretting hopefuls have signed an on-line petition for a second referendum and some butcher in North Devon has gone back to using pounds and ounces.
If you thought that was a hoot, then what about Jeremy Hunt and Nicky Morgan who, it's alledged, are considering putting their names forward as candidates for leadership of the Conservative Party - and, therefore, the post of PM? Are they serious?
But even that couldn't surpass the news that the beleagured Jeremy Corbyn has
appointed Diane Abbott as his Shadow Health Secretary. Yes, Health Secretary. Well, it made me laugh.
Honestly, you couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
If there's one word that sums up the sorry state we're in, I reckon you couldn't go far wrong by describing it as a total $*^+@#~!.
I'll leave you to your own interpretation.
Please don't write in...
So, have we learned anything from this debacle? Well, yes; the Vote Out campaign's slogans weren't worth the side of the bus they were printed on and in his press conference Jean-Claude Juncker came across as even more of an arrogant little so-and-so than we took him for. Mind you, with a name like Juncker (Yes, I know the historical one is spelled Junker and he's from Luxembourg nor Prussia, but you know what I mean) should
we be surprised? Strikes me, the only thing missing is the sabre slash across his cheek.
But then, can we blame him after watching Nigel Farage's gloating post-Brexit speech to the European Parliament? What a shameful performance that was. Is there any wonder they want to get rid of us as soon as possible?
So, what now?
God knows. As far as the soccer is concerned, there's still Wales to root for. After all, they do have the best songs.
Then there's Wimbledon - not counting the cost of their flipping strawberries - and the Olympics - the Zika virus notwithstanding. Plus there's the Open Golf Championship, except that's now on Sky not the BBC because the R & A, in their infinite wisdom, chose the filthy lucre over viewing figures, which means I had to invest in a Now box and a One Week Sports Pass to watch the damned thing.
Oh, and then there's Van Morrison's upcoming gig at Glastonbury in August - that's at the Abbey not in the cow pasture - though it will probably depend on how he's feeling on the night because if he turns ornery the firework display at the end might well be the highlight of the evening...
2016 started off as a crappy year. Could it get any worse...?
Probably best not to answer that...