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  • Writer's pictureJames McGee

In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is...well, this bloke:

Meet Mullah Nooruddin Turabi, the up-beat, relentlessly cheerful new Afghan Minister of Prisons. Part-time ventriloquist and stand-up comic, he can't wait to get stuck into his new role.

'It's certainly a step up from my previous job,' he admitted gleefully. 'During our previous administration, I was both Minister of Justice and Head of the Ministry of Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. Try saying that when you've had one too many sherbets!' he chuckled, before adding, 'Seriously, though, that really did play havoc with my social life, the skateboarding in particular. And don't get me started on the suspension of our karaoke evenings, or else we'll be here all night. That was a joke, folks,' he added, with a twinkle in his eye.

Fortunately, his new job will provide Nooruddin with the time to indulge in more of his favourite hobbies, including ten-pin bowling, cutting the hands off petty criminals, and executing anyone who doesn't find his comedy routine particularly funny.

'People have tended to misjudge me in the past,' Nooruddin said, wistfully, 'but I'm determined to make people like the new me. Put it this way, they're in a world of hurt if they don't.'

In a bid to enhance his profile and also to appeal to members of the fairer sex, Nooruddin has also decided to try his luck on the dating scene. Though, between thee and me, I'm not entirely convinced that the photo on his Tinder page - reproduced above - does him any favours. But you certainly have to admire the guy's optimism.

'I'm just hoping they'll like me for who I am and not for what I do,' he confessed, over a pint in his local watering hole, The Rebel's Head (the sign above the door takes a bit of getting used to).

Well, we certainly wish him luck. Though here's a word of advice: you might want to lose the beard, old son. It adds years...


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